there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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