I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
