It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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