dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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