This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
