im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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