booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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