Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had to cum in my sink.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
