I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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