For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
