Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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