I wish I could punch you in the face.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
