you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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