It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
