You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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