That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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