His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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