Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
