remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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