Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
