I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
