Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
