I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
