I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
