omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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