I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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