I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
