brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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