Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
