Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
