That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
