he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
