i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
