I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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