All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you had me at cake vodka
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
