I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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