You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
