so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
