New low: just hacked my moms facebook
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
True strength comes from lack of pants
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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