My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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