he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
