dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
