I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
