Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
