You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
