i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
