I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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