if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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