I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
did i just pee glitter
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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