Will you blow on my dice?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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