Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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